To say I was scared to go to the doctor is an understatement. I craved answers, but I didn’t think I could handle the reality.

I finally made an appointment to see why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I’ll never forget the day. The doctor was running late (of course), and I was anxiously sitting in a waiting room staring at a women with an infant. Literally thinking “I might never have that”. I naively expected that I was going to go in the doctors room, my doctor was going to ask me questions, I’d answer them, and she was going to tell me why I wasn’t getting pregnant. Haha. I couldn’t be more far off.

It did start with questions. The usual…”how long have you been trying?”, “when was your last menstrual cycle?”, “do you have regular periods”, etc. They did a PAP, I peed in a cup, then I was told they were going to start with blood work, and recommended I get an HSG.

If you don’t know what an HSG is, it’s a procedure that uses an X-ray to look at your fallopian tubes and uterus. It usually takes less than 5 minutes and you can go home the same day. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. I will tell you now that I’ve had a child this was just as bad as full fledge contractions and you know what made it worse? Knowing I might have done it for nothing. I actually had a horrific experience I’ll share with you all.

I took the afternoon off work and my husband met me at the hospital where I had the HSG done. Prior to going my doctor told me to call my insurance to make sure it was covered because infertility tests often aren’t. To my surprise I was told it was covered so that was great. Anyway, I got there and was extremely nervous. I was told it hurt but being that I have an extremely high pain tolerance I figured it couldn’t be that bad. The nurse called me back and I asked if my husband could come with me. She rolled her eyes, gave me attitude, and said no. Taken back I ok’d, and looked back at my husband while he mouthed “you’ll be ok, I love you” (Sweetest man ever)...off I went…

I was handed a gown and was shuffled to the “dressing room”. By dressing room I mean closet. Straight up felt like Harry Potter. It was a door in the wall. So tiny!! I was instructed to wait in there for the nurse to take me back to the room. So there I sat. Freezing cold, in a closet, ass hanging out of a gown, wondering where the hell this nurse went. This women made me sit in there for FIFTEEN minutes before coming to get me. When she finally came and got me she abruptly told me that my insurance actually didn’t cover the procedure, that it was $700, and asked if I wanted to go home. I looked at her and told her “No, I want a baby. I’ll just have to pay it”. Clearly annoyed she took me back to the room. How lucky was I that I had a nurse who didn’t want to be there? I was even more lucky to have this little peach “prep me” for the procedure. Awkward.

When they do an HSG you start by lying down on a table under an X-ray imager called a fluoroscope. They insert a speculum into your vagina to keep it open, and then clean your cervix. Then they insert a thin tube into your cervix and fill your uterus with a liquid containing iodine. The iodine contrasts with your uterus and fallopian tubes on the X-rays. You doctor removes the speculum, and will take images with the fluoroscope X-ray. The contrasting liquid will show the outline of your uterus and Fallopian tubes and how the fluid moves through them. It was absolute agonizing pain, but thankfully it was over quickly. I also had an adorable fat doctor who wore a glitter X-ray bib which made it better for me. When we wrapped up the doctor told me everything looked great so we could rule that out.

So overwhelmed with emotions I broke down on my way home. Between having a terrible experience and getting “good news” I felt extremely overwhelmed. I was happy the test went good, but I was upset I still didn’t have an answer.

A couple weeks later I had an apt with my doctor to go over my blood tests and my HSG test.

She confirmed my HSG went good and we could rule that out. Then she started going down the line of my blood work spewing out a bunch of words I didn’t understand. She got to one of my hormones they tested and said I produced too much of it. In a nut shell this caused me to not ovulate all the way. I’d ovulate but I wouldn’t release enough eggs. So my body would hold onto them and either form a cyst or release them during my next ovulation. She diagnosed me with PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome. She recommended I take a pill on the 4th day of my cycle that would help me ovulate all the way. The pill she prescribed was actually used to treat women who have breast cancer. There was a new study out that this pill worked well for women trying to get pregnant, and she wanted me to be apart of that study.

I tracked my ovulation days (such a pain in the ass), took the pill for 3 months, and didn’t get pregnant. I felt SO discouraged so I stopped taking it. A couple months later on the 4th day of my cycle I decided to give it a go again. Only I didn’t have any pills. It was 8:00 at night and I was exhausted. I called the pharmacy to see if they could fill my prescription and they basically did it as a favor since it was a time sensitive pill.

God must have been telling me to do this because it finally worked.