My husband and I were high school sweet hearts, together for ten years, finally got married, and were going to start trying for a baby right away. That was nearly 4 years ago.
I really did grow up with my now husband. I’m 29 years old and have been with him since I was 15…almost half my life! Over the years we day dreamt about our future family. On long road trips we would go through a list of names that we would name our children. We spoke about everything under the sun regarding our future family. We couldn’t wait.
Right after we wed in 2015 we started the “let’s have a baby” process. After the first month of trying, my period came and I didn’t put much thought into it. A couple more months went by and I thought it was just taking a little longer, but that it just does for some. Six months in I felt myself getting offended by my own body. Why wasn’t I getting pregnant? Our 1 year anniversary rolled around and I was starting to really worry, but I refused to express that to anyone. After that 1 year mark the months flew by and I struggled. I’m the type of person who wouldn’t allow others to see my struggle so most of it was behind closed doors (NOT healthy). My husband and I rarely spoke about us “struggling” to get pregnant. Looking back it was clear we were in denial. We kept saying things like “it’ll happen when it’s meant to be”, “everything will be just fine”, etc. I even told family, friends, and coworkers we weren’t trying because I didn’t want to unveil our struggle. Our 2 year anniversary rolled around and I started to feel really jaded about all of it. One person after another I knew was getting pregnant and I pretended to be happy for them… Over and over again.
It was in the second year of our marriage I started to come to terms with the big scary word “infertility”. I decided it was time I made a doctors appointment to see what was going on. I was going to be brave, and I was going to do it! I put that off for 6 months until finally going in…